Hair Raising Tale | Neurospicy Black Girl

Quick little episode because my creative juices were lowkey getting dehydrated. This is for the Neurospicy Black Girls with the curls: I see you, and you're valid.

June got more stuff coming!

Transcript

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Let's talk about hair. Hair is an important part of your appearance. As a black woman, hair has both cultural and historical importance to each and every one of us. All of this to say, why is it hard for me to do it? Let's continue to learn why on this episode of Narrow Spicy Black Girl. Hi, I'm Milani. I'm black, female, and neurodivergent, aka I lost the genetic lottery. The only thing I could do is pull myself up by my bootstraps and live whatever life takes me. If anyone deserves to profit from my trauma, it's me. That's the life of a neuro spicy black girl. Welcome to Nero's Spicy Black Girl, the only place where you learn that a doll's hairbrush has been the only type of hairbrush that can handle my hair. No, for real. I'm Milani, and today we're going to talk about my hair. Or at least the relationship between it. Well, you know how they say your hair is a crown? Well, parts of it have been on the floor, collected dust under my bed. Because when I take my braids out, and when I comb my hair, I sometimes forget to clean it up. Okay, jokes aside, depression makes it really hard to care about how I look. And I wish it was just about vanity, because that would be easy to brush off. But it's not. As a black woman, I've been raised to believe that how I show up in the world, how neat my edges are, how moisturized my curls are, etc., determines how people treat me. And when I'm in a depressive episode, that just feels like pressure I can't live up to. I talk about the kind of days where even looking at my hair feels overwhelming. Like, I'll see the bonnet on the floor, see the leave-in conditioner on the shelf, know exactly what steps I need to take, and still not move. My brain just goes, nope, too many steps, try again tomorrow. And then tomorrow becomes next week, and next week becomes, why did I let it get this bad? And don't get me started on the detangling process. The knots in my hair could qualify as an escape room, and I'm the only one who forgot the clues. But it's not just laziness or being unmotivated. Which, by the way, if one more person tells me to just push through it, I might actually push them. Depression slows down everything. It turns basic care tasks into these giant mountains you have to climb barefoot in the rain with no snacks. Haircare becomes emotional. It feels tied to identity, worthiness, and visibility. And when your brain already tells you you're not worth the effort, trying to prove it wrong with a twist out feels impossible. And if depression didn't already make haircare hard enough, ADHD had to pull up with its own set of chaos. So, let's talk about the fun little bonus round that is executive dysfunction. Because it's not just forgetting to do my hair, it's fully attempting to. Send a product out, put it on a YouTube tutorial, maybe even partying my hair, only to get distracted halfway through and never finish. Now I've got one side moisturized and the other side looking like I just lost the fight with a brush. My 4A curls are screaming for help, but my brain has already moved on to reorganizing my email inbox from 2009 for no reason. And then there's the time blindness. I will generally believe I can do a full wash day in 30 minutes, and then somehow be shocked when it's three hours later and I'm still deep conditioning with a plastic bag on my head, texting people like, Hey, sorry, Mr. Function, I was doing my hair. And yes, that's a real excuse. And yes, I use it more than once. ADHD also messes with consistency. Like, I'll start a new haircare routine and be hyped for a week. I'll write it down in a queue planner, and I'll be like, Sunday is wash day, self-cooling energy, let's go. Then week two hits, and I'm already winging it. By week three, I've completely forgotten what products I use, what order I use them, or why I even cared in the first place. And this is 4A hair we're talking about. She is not low-maintenance, she needs attention, moisture, love. You skip a few steps and suddenly you're in a detangled getting, and there is no escape. Sometimes I feel guilty, like I'm neglecting my hair, like I should be doing more. But then I remember, this isn't about laziness or not caring. This is about having a brain that runs on a different operating system. And unfortunately, my OS is always running too many times and still buffering. Alright, so now that we've dragged depression and ADHD for ruining our hair routines, let's get into the part of the episode where I actually try to help you, and myself, cope. Every episode I give three tips, and this one's for my Narrow Spicy folks just trying to keep their curls alive. Tip number one, break hair into microsteps. Washing, detangling, deep conditioning, styling, it's too much. So I stopped trying to do it all in one day. If wash day feels overwhelming, I'll detangle one day, wash the next, and style later. If I get there. The goal is maintenance, not perfection. You don't need a 10-step routine to show up for your hair. You just need one step at a time. Tip number two, create a lazy natural hair kit. I'm talking leave-in conditioner, Y2 comb, a spray bottle of water, Maybe a soft brush. Only one place ready to go. When my executive dysfunction kicks, I don't have to go hunting for stuff. I even keep it next to my bed sometimes. Because, listen, if I'm going to do my hair, it's happening where I am, not where I should be. Tip number three. Protective styles are your friend, not your failure. There was a time I thought that I had to be the twist-out queen every week to earn my black girl badge. False. Braids, wigs, puffs, and even just wearing a bonnet for a bit longer are all valid. I've learned that protecting my energy is just as important as protecting my ends. Low maintenance doesn't mean you love your hair less. It just means you're prioritizing sustainability over struggle. Thank you for listening to today's episode. This episode is dedicated to my fellow curly-headed, narrow, spicy black girls. Your struggles and your hair is amazing. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Links to support me are in the description. Remember, it's okay to be human. Remember, it's okay to be human. Do what's best for you, and you're here. Tune in next time when something new happens, and it definitely won't be boring. Bye! Hey everyone, I have credits now! Narrow Spicy Black Girl is written, created, produced, and edited by me, Align Weeks. This show is produced at Brick Media Arts. To learn more about this nonprofit arts organization, visit brickmediaarts.org. That is B-R-I-C-M-E-B-I-A-A-R-T-S dot org.