It's My Birthday, I Guess | Neurospicy Black Girl

It's Alani's birthday month! Help her celebrate it and make things less awkward and jaded! She gives thanks in advance for the birthday wishes.

Free things to do in NYC website: https://www.nycforfree.co/

Transcript

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Happy birthday to... Wait, I can't sing it, it's copyrighted. Well, as you can tell by the title of this episode, this will be about my birthday. One year older and one year closer to death. I don't know, I'm just pretty jaded about birthdays not gonna lie. Well, here's to another year around the sun with this Neurospicy Black Girl. Hi, I'm Alani. I'm black, female and neurodivergent, aka I lost the genetic lottery. The only thing I could do is pull myself up by my bootstraps and live whatever life takes me. If anyone deserves to profit from my trauma, it's me. That's the life of a Neurospicy Black Girl. Welcome to Neurospicy Black Girl, the only place where you'll learn that a good way to celebrate your birthday is to legally get out aggression, especially on proxies of the people who wronged you in your life. I'm Alani and today, we're gonna talk about my birthday. So, my birthday is on February 18th. By the time this episode comes out, I will be 24. I will be honest with you, I didn't even expect to live past 19. I don't mean to get morbid, but I attempted to end my life in August 2020. And although I attempted to physically die, when I look back at that dark day, I realized that a new version of me was reborn. I think what motivated me to live was spite, really. I wanted to be free from my toxic relatives. I wanted to finish my college education, even when my mom refused to pay for it. I wanted to be financially independent. I wanted to be in a safe environment physically and mentally, I was able to do that in spite of all the obstacles in my way. While it wasn't a choice for me to be resilient, sometimes I need a reminder that I am able to do it. Now, off of that tangent, I have a mixed relationship with my birthday. On one hand, it's great to see that you live another year on earth, but on the other hand, when you have chronic depression like me, you sometimes wish today was your last day on earth. It is so weird, like I should be grateful for living another year on this planet, but at the same time, I still got a deal with racism, misogyny, ableism, and other systemic issues. Like, I'm lowkey mad that my mom didn't get an abortion when she had a chance. At least Roe v. Wade was still a thing back then. As much as my mom tries to deny it, I am an unwanted child. So birthdays have been only temporary dopamine boosts for me. Especially during elementary school, it was fun when the whole class cared about you that one day because you bring cupcakes to your class. I don't know why, but I remember in 4th grade, my teacher, her name was Miss Davies, she is married now and has a different last name, but I forgot what it is. I remember for my birthday, the class had lunch inside the classroom. When we had lunch inside the classroom, that was like the best day ever for some reason. It lowkey felt like a bed and breakfast. Anyway, Miss Davies would put on movies when we ate lunch in the classroom, and for my birthday, Miss Davies put on "Toy Story." But why I remember this day particularly was that the lunch period ended and Miss Davies had to pause the movie, and she paused it at the moment where Buzz and Woody are at Sid's house and all the abused toys come to life. And my friend at the time says to me, "Wow, that's one way to celebrate your birthday!" What is it with me and my tendency to attract morbid things? I feel like I've got to talk to my therapist about it. Anyway, although my childhood birthday parties were fun, my mom made it uncomfortable for me when I received gifts. Why? Because she always had some negative stuff to say about my friends' parents. For example, one of my friends, let's call her Sally, I've been friends with her from elementary school up till we left for college. Basically, we go back. I forgot what her dad does for a living, but her mom works in the medical field, so pretty good living situation. Why does this info matter? Because my mom got upset when Sally's mom would give me a $10 gift card to Walmart or Target for my birthday. She would be like, "Oh, I don't know why Sally's mom couldn't spend more money on you. That's why she never looks fashionable and need to do her kids because their mom is so cheap." Um, ma'am, Sally's mom ain't thinking about you. She's happy that her daughter is celebrating her friend's birthday. Honestly, I've never been a materialistic person and I can "thank" my mom for that because she was heavily judgmental for no reason. If there are any psychology people who are listening to this episode right now who can weigh in, please do in the comments because my mom refuses to get help. Once I got to college, birthdays became a little bit better because I have more freedom to decide what to do. I have more control within the planning and who I can invite to my parties. Side note to my loved ones. When I ask you to RSVP by a certain date, can you please not do it last minute? I am literally paying for you out of my own pockets. Time is money, literally. That tangent aside, I still enjoy spending time with my friends during my birthday. The best part of my birthday celebrations is when some unexpected stuff happens. Well, at least in a good context. For example, at my last birthday, I and a couple of friends went to Break Bar in Chelsea, New York City. In case you don't know what that is, Break Bar is a place where you can drink and then you can take the glass and throw it at a designated area. A good place to let out aggression and trust me, there were a lot of pent-up aggression at my production assistant job. So at Break Bar, you can upload pictures of people you want to throw glass at. A friend uploaded a picture of a producer who was known to be an asshole to the PAs. We were waiting for the picture to come on the projector, but as soon as it did, nearly everyone in my birthday group ran to the bottle area to throw bottles at the picture of the producer. One friend in particular took the iPad, where the picture was projected from and began zooming in and out, imitating her voice. The gag is that the place left the picture up throughout my whole session, so random people joined in on the fun of throwing bottles at the producer. Fun fact, the producer ended up getting fired, so manifestation does work! Birthday parties can be complicated things to celebrate depending on how you were raised. Remember, you can make this day about you. The thing about celebrating your birthday is that since the day is about you, you are the decision maker of the day. Unless someone plans a surprise party for you, but before that, you are generally the decision maker of your birthday. Not sure when it starts? Continue on to listen to my tips on planning everything for your day of birth. Tip #1 - What's that budget though? Gotta address that mini elephant in the room. If you are in the US, in a high cost of living area, or just got a lot of bills to pay, what is feasibly possible for you? I am all about treating yourself and I also recognize that I need money to save for groceries and to keep the lights on. That whole tangent I made about RSVP-ing earlier correlates to this point. It can be expensive to reserve spaces, especially if it's for a party of four or more. If you get your paycheck weekly, you can have a little more leeway to splurge. Bi-weekly folks... Be careful and mindful of your wallet. A good website to find cheap or free days to do your birthday, or in general, is NYC for Free. Rebecca, the founder of the site, has a website that gets updated almost instantly of free activities to do. Link will be in the description. Tip #2 - Choose who's coming wisely. This is for the person who has people pleasing tendencies. And as someone who struggles with this, I'm gonna figuratively hold your hand and say this. Not everyone deserves to celebrate your birthday. I know you probably have a "friend" or two who is wishy-washy and only contacts you when they want something. Don't invite them. Point blank period. Especially if you are planning to buy their ticket. Just don't. Celebrate with the people who have put in the effort to honor your friendship. This message also applies to relatives. Just because you are related by blood doesn't mean you owe them jack. They probably will tell you that "blood is thicker than water." Well, you tell them that the actual quote is "Blood of the Covenant is thicker than the water of the womb." Which means that the relationships you make yourself are far more important than the ones that you don't choose. Though I will say that you don't have to worry about this if you cut your relatives off. Tip #3 - Put yourself first. Always. Please remember this. Don't let social media dictate what you should do for your birthday. Or in life in general. Everything is not for everybody. Hell, if you don't like having birthday parties, have a solo birthday day. Sign up for rewards on the major food apps and beauty apps and get you a free treat. Have a self care day. One thing for sure is that we all got one life to live so make sure your special day is a good one. So yeah, in advance, thank you for your birthday wishes. My birthday gift to you is an episode that will be a good companion piece for this month. I am truly grateful for each and every one of my listeners. I am excited to see where this podcast goes and I hope you can continue on this journey with me. Links to support me are in the description. And remember, it's okay to be human. Do what's best for you, especially on your birthday. Tune in next time when something new happens and it will definitely won't be boring. Bye.